Date:	2009-07-06 21:02
Subject:	information is surprisingly helpful
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

After the very cranky post of this morning, I spent some time online researching my upcoming radioactive iodine treatment and found a list of hypothyroid symptoms.  I haven't looked at that list in a long time, but back in the day when I'd look at it I'd notice one or two things that were kind of relevant.  Today it's a f*cking checklist of how I feel, right down to the irritability.  Yup.

I suppose it's good to know what this is, now I have to figure out better coping mechanisms. 

Date:	2009-07-06 11:12
Subject:	things and annoyances
Security:	Public
Mood:	cranky

-  Nothing in this house (current location) is flat!  Or more accurately no surface upon which to sit or lie down is flat, except the floor.  The couch and love seat both bow down in the middle as does the bed (kind of like a taco).  Even J's desk chair has a lean to one side.  My lower back has been unhappy lately and I think this is part of it, usually I would be on my mattress a few days a week to keep things centered.  Gah!

-  Of course we also moved three truckloads of stuff to the new place yesterday which is good but moving is lifting which is also not great for my back.  And with all of that stuff there, I feel like it is taunting me to start unpacking RIGHT NOW.

-  Oh and the part where I have shamefully low core and arm strength (as pointed out painfully by me being unable to move boxes of books I packed) isn't helping things either.

-  I am also fairly certain I am officially out of hormonal balance (to the hypo).  I had trouble motivating to do things yesterday, then we'd pack the next load and I'd be fine, and as soon as I sat down in the seat of the truck I would lose all motivation and just want to nap.  We'd arrive at the new place five minutes later and once I was moving it was all good, and then I'd sit back down and it would leech away again. 

-  Also, I got chilled while we were unloading the last truckload and I couldn't get warm again for the rest of the night.

-  Here I go down the hypo slope, where I've never really been before.  If yesterday is any indication this is not going to be a good month.

-  And to circle back despite being more than averagely tired I can't sleep very well because my back hurts.

-  So this morning (after moving to the couch for the last few hours of sleep hoping it would help) I am getting ready for my run when I get a voicemail from my endo's office telling me that my issue with having bloodwork done last Thursday has apparently miraculously disappeared.  Seriously, I may not have explained the problem well, but the lab authorization they wouldn't take last week isn't going to be okay this week either.  Gahhh!

So I'm cranky.  And there really isn't anything anyone can do about most of it short term (though I am tempted to sleep at the new place where there is already a futon mattress that is flatter).  And I'm really afraid this is going to be my base line for the next month.

Some good things (because there have to be some right?)
-having leftovers of J's homemade enchiladas for dinner last night
-The Hangover being surprisingly funny
-J offering to do a truckload on his own while I took a nap
-Running has gotten better, still not great but possible
-I had a good time on the 4th hanging out and chatting with people.  I also got several compliments on my floppy hat

Date:	2009-07-04 11:21
Subject:	stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

1.)  J and I took possession of the new place yesterday.  We celebrated by immediately moving two truckfuls of stuff in.  Whee!

2.)  I ended up with 24 out of 30 for the month of June.  It was an interesting thing to do, and I certainly posted more in June than I have in a very long time.  I have discovered that I appear to have an aversion to posting on Thursdays, no idea why.  I didn't read as much other people's stuff as I'd like (from the game, I kept up with my flist), and I'm not sure I made posts that were interesting to someone just dropping by, I simply journalled more. 

3.)  Thursday night we went over to ladywithawrench 's place to drink and hang out.  It was a lot of fun, but I don't usually drink whiskey all night.  Yesterday I was a little fuzzy.

4.)  So of course today there is a BBQ with more alcohol, woo-hoo!  I have to get started on the deviled eggs I'm bringing to pass shortly.  At this party at least, it's one of the few dishes you can bring that as far as I can tell guarantees you won't have leftovers to bring home.

5.)  I bought a wide brimmed floppy hat for today - to help keep the scar shaded whatever else is going on.  I will also be applying lots of sunscreen.

6.)  I think the group plan movie for tonight is to go and see 'Transformers' but J has already seen it and I'm not so excited about it.  We're thinking of going to 'The Hangover' instead.

Happy 4th of July to everyone celebrating! 

Date:	2009-06-30 20:05
Subject:	moving on up
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

We have a place to live!

J and I heard back from our first choice place today and we're in!  We found a two bed, two bath place in an eight unit complex.  It's upstairs and in the back, so it gets a little less natural light, but also a little less noise.  They are going to deep clean the carpet now that the showing is done, so we should be able to take possession on Sunday or Monday.  We're aiming to do the big move the 11-12th, but as soon as we get the keys we plan to move a truckful of boxes or so a day, and some of it (bathrooms and kitchen mostly) I can start unpacking immediately.

I am grateful that all the legwork I did paid off.  I spent a day looking through the previous week's worth of craigslist, and then an afternoon driving by my top 20 choices, which eliminated a few of them right away, and allowed me to narrow things down further.  We saw six places on Saturday, applied to two on Sunday and whamo.  I am grateful that we're doing this in a renter's market, it certainly makes things easier for us.

I'm also grateful that the place isn't available immediately - I feel like I've been moving for months now so I'm looking forward to having some quiet time for myself this week before the moving starts again.

Oh and on Monday I sat with M the previous roommate and we agreed to a final payout for the few items he is now in possession of and the deposit.  We also transferred all the bills to his name so I am officially, completely done with the MV apartment.

Progress is a wonderful thing.

Date:	2009-06-27 18:34
Subject:	books read
Security:	Public
Mood:	hot

It has been a month since I went in for surgery.  During my recovery time I assumed that I would read a little, watch some movies and tv, maybe knit.  Instead I mostly just read.  The following is my list of things to read when in recovery:

1. The Winter Room    by Gary Paulsen
2. A Tan and Sandy Silence   by John McDonald
3. The Mysterious Benedict Society   by Trenton Lee Stewart
4. The Friday Night Knitting Club   by Kate Jacobs
5. Promethia (vol 1)   by Alan Moore
6. Tam Lin  by Pamela Dean
7. The Scarlet Ruse   by John McDonald
8. The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey   by Trenton Lee Stewart
9. Dragons Wild   by Robert Aspirin
10. Dragons Luck   by Robert Aspirin
11. Dealing With Dragons   by Patricia Wrede
12. Sunshine   by Robin McKinley
13. House of Mystery (vol 2)   by various
14. The Ruby in the Smoke   by Phillip Pullman
15. The Shadow in the North   by Phillip Pullman

I went for a run today.

The last time I went running was May 26, two days before my first surgery.  That morning I ran 8 miles at a decent training pace (around 11 minutes/mile) and was thinking that I'd be back out in eight days, two weeks at the most.  Yeah, that didn't happen.

So here it is, a month later.  I was astonished at how many things I had forgotten in a month: the way my little toes go numb half a mile into any run, and then are fine a few blocks later, the way the running shoes feel on my feet, nodding at the regulars I see on my path most days.  Today I ran two miles.  And it was hard and I was slow.  But I ran.

I will no longer be doing the SF half-marathon.  It's July 25 and not only do I not have time to train for it safely anymore, but I will likely be radioactive that weekend.  I don't think I can ask everyone else in the race to maintain a ten foot distance from me at all times, nor will I have the energy to go that far, even if I could train.  That means my next race is at the end of October.  I figured out the training plan earlier this week and was thinking I have plenty of time.  After this morning, I'm a little less confident.

They say (whoever they are) that there is a two week grace period before your body starts losing conditioning if you stop running.  And that it takes doing something regularly for three weeks to make it a habit. 

So now I have to fight a little, to get my conditioning back, to get back into the habit of running, to get past the place where two miles hurts and back to the spot where it's easy. 

But I guess I am still a runner.  And so, I start again.

Date:	2009-06-24 20:07
Subject:	horoscope for the week
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)  Here's a preview of the accomplishments I expect you to complete in the next four weeks. Number of karmic debts paid off and canceled: 1. Number of bad habits replaced with good habits: 2. Number of holes blasted in your theory about why you can't do more of what you love to do: 300. Number of "necessities" lost that turn out not to be necessities: 1. Number of psychic wounds successfully medicated: 1. Number of confusing messes that evolve into interesting opportunities: 2. Number of romantic obstructions eliminated: 1 and a half.

Is it just me or does this seem like a lot of work?
~~~~

I spent the morning on craig's list looking at apartments.  Tomorrow I will go and look at a select list of them in person to check out neighborhoods and their reality (as seen from outside the gates) as opposed to their selling points.  Then I make appointments to see ones I like with the boy.  I wish I could speed through this process somehow, my least favorite part of moving is the hunt for a new place.

Date:	2009-06-23 18:38
Subject:	photographic proof and update
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

( A few photos along with a health update )

I am in MV at the moment, and have just finished cleaning as much as I'm going to clean in the old apartment. Now I just have to come back with a screw gun and spackle later this week and I'll be done. It's minorly depressing that the place was rarely this clean while I lived here, but that's okay.

Date:	2009-06-23 11:21
Subject:	Domestic
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful

Over the weekend we were hanging out with friends and the women were mentioning a site called thescramble.com/.  It's a site that sends you five dinner/menu plans a week.  The recipes have all been tested to be healthy and relatively easy to make, and it even does fancy things like let you swap recipes out, pick things that conform to certain food restrictions, or print out a weekly grocery list for you.  Of course, the fancy stuff requires registration.  But they have a sample week's menu up so last night I decided to cook dinner. 

(This is somewhat rare, only in that I can count on my fingers the number of times I have cooked for J.  We weren't at my place very often, and I am really good at one person meals after many years of practice.  I also am not a good experimental cook, though I will happily try a new recipe.)

So cooking.  I decided to make the salsa-mango chicken.  I learned that apparently mangos are my enemy.  Seriously by the time I finished cutting up the mango I had bandaids on two of my fingers, and probably a little more fruit than I should have in the trash.  <Sigh>  I would also like to learn to cook rice without having a layer of it stick to the bottom of the pan.  But other than those two mishaps dinner was yummy.  It was easy and nutritious, and look at me being all domestic and cooking for my man when he arrives home from work.

Except for the part where J was at work late last night.  So his meal had been ready for an hour when he got here.  Perhaps that is a sign that this domestic stuff is not for me.  That, or the bandaids.

Date:	2009-06-22 17:10
Subject:	previous jobs
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

There is a mini-trend in the world of 30 in 30 today to post about previous jobs. I thought I would jump on the bandwagon, though I'm only going to talk about jobs I held through the end of college. After that it's mostly office jobs and theatre gigs and it gets a little repetitive.

( And I am going to put this under a cut because it got a little longer than I thought it would. )

Date:	2009-06-21 19:13
Subject:	note to self
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

1) You have somewhere in the neighborhood of nine boxes of books in storage, along with that many (short) boxes of comics.
2) J has at least that many books in storage, if not a few more.
3) J also still has part of a bookshelf of unpacked books at the apartment.
4) There are still at least a dozen books in my to read pile that aren't in storage or on J's shelf.
5) Anything you buy that isn't completely consumable is going to have to be moved sometime in the next month.
6) Books are heavy.

You do NOT need to buy any more books right now.  You will not run out of things to read in the next three weeks.

Once the move is completed you are allowed to back to the bookstore. 


(After the surgery I figured I'd do a little extra reading, get ahead on my netflix viewing, and maybe get some knitting done.  Instead I have just been reading lots and lots.  Not that this is a bad thing, but a netflix addiction wouldn't require another box to move.)

Date:	2009-06-21 11:34
Subject:	Step A = Done! (mostly)
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

Yesterday was the big move day.  J came over around 11am to help with a few things (like dismantling the tv entertainment center and all the cords that go with that), and I was still finishing up a few piles of random things.

(It's interesting to observe the progression of a move.  The first boxes I packed are all books, or all living room items, and are neatly labeled.  By Friday night most of the boxes just say kitchen and they're kind of a hodge podge but everything in them belongs in that space.  By Saturday morning I created a pile in my living room of things that should be in a box from everywhere in my house, and then packed - no labels, no coherent plan, just get packed.  Of course that's the stuff that went into the storage unit last, so will come out first at the new place, and it's also the stuff I am the least excited to unpack.  <sigh>  Maybe there'll be more goodwill trips after the unpacking too.)

The other two J's (three men, all names begin with J) arrived just after 12:30 with one more pickup truck to start loading.  In 90 minutes everything that was going to go was packed - we filled the two trucks and the trunk of my car.  (It was a little disconcerting to watch the kitchen boxes that took me four hours to pack all fly out the door in 45 minutes.  In a good way.)  By 4p everything was unloaded at the storage unit.  Whee! 

So, that is the bulk of the move.  I still have to go back and clean, take out the recycling, go to goodwill - stuff like that.  The things that are still there will maybe fill the backseat of my car, so we're in great shape.  My roommate is out of town until next Sunday which is handy for this, it lets me leave things slightly disarranged and I don't have to worry about it.  Once he gets back we'll have to finish the last phase of the moveout, getting bills transferred into his name, and settling up the money.

But it now feels like I don't live there anymore so move accomplished!

Date:	2009-06-19 09:11
Subject:	Not a student
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed

Remember the plan I had to take a class at a local community college this summer?  I'm not sure if I ever bragged here or not when I got accepted as a student for the summer session; I was all excited.  Well, then medical stuff happened and I had put off actually registering for my class since I wasn't sure what was going to be happening.  Earlier this week I finally went and figured out their online registering system only to discover that the class I had wanted to take was full.  And the waiting list was full.  No college for me this summer.

I could, I suppose take another class but summer offerings are slim and there wasn't anything else I was that excited about.  And I think this may be for the best.  Between the moving and the thyroid levels going wonky July is already going to be busy, and not having to pay for fees, books, and parking will probably be a good thing.  It also means I can stay active at the temp agency and see if they can find me anything.  I do kind of like temping, it's always fun to try different jobs.

So this means I can't claim to be a college student now.  But I'll have to look at their fall catalog to see if there's anything I can take that fits my schedule then.

Date:	2009-06-17 23:28
Subject:	moving update
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

Things to do with the move were on hold for a while but have finally started up again.  Whee! 

Last weekend J came to my place and we filled his truck with furniture and boxes to take to the storage unit.  Finally, my bedroomis empty enough to look like I might be moving out of it.  He also took care of getting the last of the furniture left on the balcony by my ex into the dumpster.  Best moment - there was a gallon of water that had been sitting on the porch for years.  He went to pick it up (I'm guessing to to bring it inside and pour it down the sink) and it shattered.  There were little pieces of plastic and water all over.  I giggled for a long time, he was just so shocked when it happened.  Behold the power of weather to weaken plastics!

This move is happening in stages.
Step A:  Get out of my place (officially by June 30, but my roommate is taking over the lease solo and seems to be not so concerned).  Things move to either the storage unit or J's.
Step B:  Find a new place to live!
Step C: Move our stuff out of J's current place and empty the storage unit into new apartment. (J's lease is up July 31).

The big push to complete step A is this weekend.  I am staying there for the next two nights to finish packing up my bedroom, the kitchen, and any other random stuff around.  J and a few friends are coming over Saturday at 12:30, my goal is to have everything boxed/piled by then so I can simply point and say "all of this stuff goes" and then let the men move the heavy stuff - heh.  I am saving a few tasks for next week like the final goodwill run and cleaning.  (With the roomie  staying on I don't have to uber-clean because no one official is going to do a walk through, but I feel like I owe him clean common areas at least.  Especially since he'll be paying me back some of the deposit.)

Hopefully by mid-next week I will be out of my current place and I suppose officially living with J, since I'll have nowhere else to be.  I like that idea.  Then the apartment hunt can begin.

Date:	2009-06-16 18:21
Subject:	post-op
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

I saw the surgeon for my post-op appointment today.  Everything that was taken out in the second surgery tested benign.  Dr. Naruns didn't take out any lymph nodes on the right side, where the cancer had been, because the area was still too stressed from the surgery the week before, but the radiated iodine should hit anything that might still be there.  He had put me on calcium just as a safety, if anything were to go wrong with the parathyroid it would have presented by now. 

He said the incision looks good, though I should leave the tape on until the weekend.  The scabbing is starting to come loose which is good, though the first piece that came off freaked me out.  He did say that I should avoid sun for the next six months to a year because scar tissue is more reactive in pigmentation.  I had no idea, so I learned my something new for the day. 

So the next steps are all still the same as they were, but I continue to fall in the best case scenario side of things. 

Date:	2009-06-15 22:29
Subject:	monday in review
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

Today was fun. 

It was weird to be at work again, after spending so much time on my own schedule of whatever.  Luckily things in the warehouse haven't moved around much since the holidays, so I could still find everything.  I saw the HR person in reception and she glanced at my neck and essentially said:  your thyroid?  about two weeks ago?  and then showed me her (incredibly small) scar.  Turns out she had hers removed about 1.5 years ago after feeling a lump - she actually had the same cancer I did.  She had to do the radiated iodine treatment twice however.  It was interesting to talk to someone who has gone through more exactly this in person, and she offered to be a resource if I needed which is awesome. 

The crew party was fun.    I did have at least one person who was a little upset that they hadn't known I was having surgery, I told them I had kept it pretty quiet in general and that most folks at TW didn't know.  Luckily that was soothing.  Various folks helped me work on more exciting answers to "what happened" which included:
bar fight (thanks melodinous )
really nasty paper cut
knitting needle incident
and what, there's something on my neck?
My favorite thing, however, is that Kel asked Jaimie what had happened to me and she answered "Rebecca and J had an argument".  He turned to his partner Ev to ask "Is she kidding?" and Ev just shrugged.  Kel never asked me (which seriously, just ask) and I don't know if he checked with anyone else.  I am highly amused by the idea that he might think my boyfriend and I had a knife fight.

After the silliness I told people that my thyroid was removed, and usually mentioned the two surgeries as the reason why I hadn't had any other life for the last 2+ weeks.    And I am comfortable with that.  But unless people asked the right specific questions I left out the cancer part.  It's just too much to explain to everyone, and that word tends to send people's brains spinning. 

It was nice to be out of the apartment for most of the day, and to spend time being social with people I enjoy.  As Mondays go, this was one of the better ones.

Date:	2009-06-15 08:45
Subject:	bubble
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

I am going back to work today - kinda.  This is my week at Klutz.  I'll be out in the warehouse shipping, and it shouldn't be more than five hours a day.  It will be interesting today to see all these people I know, who have no idea about the surgeries.  With the tape still on it's obvious that something happened.  I'll be curious to see how many people ask about it.

Speaking of seeing people who don't know about the surgeries, this evening is the TW crew appreciation BBQ.  At the end of every season TW invites everyone who crewed for us during the past year to come and enjoy food and games.  (Rumor has it there will be a bounce house.)  There are silly quizes about last year's shows and a raffle.  It's a lot of fun, a chance for everyone to hang out and be social, and a chance for crew to express interest in shows for next season - making the job of hiring them just a little bit easier.  It's always been a bit odd because it's a fun bbq event that I am essentially required to attend for work, but as long as I don't get stuck in a corner chatting to K it's not so bad.

So i guess today I will step out of the little bubble i have been in and get a lot of practice at answering "what happened?" and will have to decide how much, or how little, to share with folks.  Really once one person on the crew knows the whole story, most of them will.  Klutz is a bit more cliquey but again the story will spread. 

I have no idea what I'm going to say.

I an still taking daily naps.  I know this is nothing to complain about, and having the opportunity to do this is awesome.  I'm just a little concerned about what this could mean.

This could still be recovering from surgery, the second one was only seven days ago.  But it could also be my thyroid hormone levels already sliding out of whack, which would mean this is a preview of the best energy levels I'll have until late July - early August.  <sigh> 

I took off the extra tape that J and I had added to my neck right after coming home, the areas that were covered are still a really dark red.  I see the surgeon next week on Tuesday, it'll be interesting to see what my neck looks like without tape, it's been a while.

Date:	2009-06-10 18:15
Subject:	Up!
Security:	Public
Mood:	impressed

Monday night J and I went to see Up! in 3D. 

The first 15 minutes of the movie made me cry, and are as emotionally affecting as anything I've seen at the movies this year, animated or live-action.  And it sets up several simple moments with huge emotional pay offs before the movie is done.  The story itself is sweet, a little silly, and a lot of fun.  The 3D isn't eye-popping things coming at you, it just adds to the depth of the animation in lovely ways.

Go to see this movie, and see it in 3D if you can.  The two hours you spend will be worth the sweetness and joy you walk away with.

Date:	2009-06-09 16:20
Subject:	pills
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

I am getting back into the habit of taking pills daily.  This is something I've never been good at, my schedule is strange enough that it has been difficult to be consistent.  Taking something with a meal every day still results in a possible several hour swing.  And for the last two plus years, I haven't ever slept in the same place regularly (only my place or J's) but it's even harder to get a routine started.

This time I'm on cytomax (thyroid hormone) twice a day, and the surgeon recommended calcium supplements as well (which are just smart for a woman my age really).  Of course the tricky part is that the hormone dosages should be 12 hours apart, and ideally I shouldn't take calcium within four hours on either side of taking the hormone (it affects the absorption).  So I'm creating a new routine.

Right now I have an alarm set on my phone for 7am.  At that point I take the hormone pill I set in a shot glass by my bedside the night before, and go back to sleep.  At 1p I take the calcium, and at 7p I take the hormone again.

I can't plan too far into the future right now - I go back off the hormone in three weeks to get ready for the radiation - and after that I don't know if I'll still be on a two a day regimen.  I do want to work in some other supplements with the calcium at 1p - i really should be taking a multivitamin at least.  So it looks like I'll be setting several alarms on my phone and making pills a habit.  It'll be interesting to see how this goes.

Are there any supplements you take that you swear by?