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LJI:8 No Comment
beeker
beeker121
“Hold all my calls!” Mr. Moyer shouted at his secretary while rushing past her into his office, trailing Mr. Battle behind him like a jogger with a small dog on leash.  Mr. Battle glanced at Ms. Geyer sympathetically, she was sitting frozen behind her desk while all ten lines on her phone blinked the angry red of ignored callers.  Mr. Moyer slammed the door behind Mr. Battle, probably thinking he was all the way in the office but clipping his elbow hard.  Mr. Battle quick-marched to the table and put down his papers before he dropped them, getting hit in the funny bone had made his whole arm numb.

“What the hell happened?”

“I think we have that figured out sir, and”

“Is it fixed?”

“Not yet, we took the reports down for the time being-”

“Took them down?  Our quarterly reports aren’t on the website for investors to see?”

“We – I thought nothing was better than the reports as they were, sir.”

Mr. Moyer opened his mouth to shout again, and a few nonsense syllables slipped out.  Then he took a deep breath, visibly trying to bring himself under control. “You’re right, though I don’t think we can bury this.”

“No sir, it’s out there.  We’ll have to decide how to respond.”

“That’s later.”  Mr. Moyer looked around his corner office as if to reassure himself it was still there.  “So, what did happen?”

“Um, I’ve been down with IT figuring it out.  If you remember, four years ago when we implemented the auto-reporting of our quarterly numbers to the website, it was an
idea that went from a thought to reality in two weeks – really quickly.”

“Of course I do, I was very proud of the group for jumping in and getting it done.”

“They were working long hours, frustrated when things weren’t coming together, and started, I guess playing a game is the best way to describe it.”

“Playing a game?  How does that screw up our quarterly reports four years later?”

“They played the game in the code they were writing.  Someone started leaving comments, someone else answered in another comment...”

“But none of this showed up before now.”

Mr. Battle looked at his CEO and moved to a chair at the table.  He was choosing his words carefully, trying to explain to Mr. Moyer what IT had explained to him.  He had thought about dragging the head of IT up to explain it herself, but she was still laughing so hard she had trouble breathing, which wouldn’t have helped the situation.

“Right, the game was all in comments in the code, just a call and response.  In coding comments are a way to make notes that don’t effect the functioning of the program.  Apparently they’re in everything, notes about what a fix was and when, ways to make the code prettier next time, occasionally just a bit of silliness.  It’s a way for coders to talk to the future, to leave tracks for whoever looks at the code next.”

“So IT knew this stuff was there?”

“Anyone who has updated the quarterly auto-report code has seen it, but it wasn’t hurting anything, so no one ever took it out.”

“And this morning’s fiasco?”

“You fired Tom Black three weeks ago.”

“He was disrespectful, always in jeans and t-shirts and asked that pointed question about infrastructure in the company meeting.”

“Yes sir.  Someone gave him a heads up what was happening, just two minutes before HR got to his desk to turn off his computer. “

Mr. Moyer looked confused and hurt.  “What could he have done in two minutes?”

“He pulled up the quarterly report code and deleted all the comment markers.”

“But if the comments were deleted..”

“No sir, the comment markers.  The symbols that let the code know that this wasn’t supposed to be functional.  And since the overall command in the report is print…”

Mr. Moyer still looked lost, and waved his hand at Mr. Battle in a ‘please continue’ gesture.  Mr. Battle sighed.

“All of the comments the coders had made to each other had been hidden by the markers.  Without the comment markers, they looked like printable text to the rest of the code.”

Mr. Moyer slumped forward a little.  “So because some IT folks were overworked four years ago, and I fired someone a few weeks ago…”

“Yes, sir.  That’s why the lyrics to ‘little bunny foo-foo’ and ‘bringing home a baby bumble-bee’ and all the others showed up throughout the report when it went live overnight.  IT is cleaning up the report code as quick as they can, which for the moment is putting all of the comment markers back in.  They will go back and do a full clean later.  Until then-” Mr. Battle slid his notebook out of the pile in front of him and took a pen from his pocket “as the head of public relations I need to know what you want to tell the public about this?”

Mr. Moyer stared at him bleakly and shrugged his shoulders.

Mr. Battle hid his quick smile.   “So that’d be no comment?”


****This is my entry for the latest round of LJ Idol.  Many thanks to my husband for explaining to me how comments work in code and answering a lot of odd questions as this idea came together, any technical errors are all mine.  To read more fabulous folks riffing on the same topic go here.***
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that last line made me laugh out loud. don't piss off the it folks!

Oh good, I was aiming for a groan/laugh. Dude the IT folks are really in charge of everything, people just haven't figured that out yet.

This was fun .... though I don't know too much of the comment technicalities ... this was fun :)

I'm glad it was fun for someone who doesn't know coding, I can't do it myself. I wanted to explain enough that everyone would get it; whew that it worked.

Heh. Nice use of the prompt. You leant so much authority to this piece - it works perfectly!

Thank you so much. I was spit-balling ideas with my husband, who was then very patient with me asking a lot of questions to make sure I had a handle on this.

Also, on a separate note, I'm glad you live in a high place and are safe. Following the news out of Oroville is crazy right now.

I love the idea that the company wasn't embarrassed by fraudulent activities or scandal, but by a prank that got out of hand.

This isn't how comments in C or Pascal code generally work, but there are a lot of programming languages to choose from. My favorite detail here? Dragging the hapless employee like a jogger pulling a small dog on a leash. I could SO visualize that, as well as the type of manager who would do that. :D

I liked that bit too :) (the jogger pulling the dog)

Edited at 2017-02-12 11:36 pm (UTC)

I could see them moving in my head and was trying to figure out how to describe them, I'm glad it worked as a visual for you too. Thanks!

In the first version of this I had it be something more malicious but most IT folks I know are overworked and tend toward goofball, the story came together much more smoothly when I took it that way.

I'd have to ask my husband what programming language he was using while he demonstrated comments to me - I think of it as him typing in the 'black window' and don't know a whole lot beyond that.

Thanks for the kind words.

Cute take on it! I love the little revenge of the code comments!

Thank you. I was trying to find a lighter take on this topic, I'm glad it worked for you.

I can only imagine the syntax errors that would have occurred if some things I've placed in comments on programs actually went into the code. Great entry.

Heh - yeah I'm sure most often if something like this happened the code would just throw up a hairball until it was actually fixed. I'm relieved that folks who actually code are enjoying this, I was a little worried it would be way too obvious or ridiculous. Thanks!

Oooh! This is delicious! I have this huge grin on my face. Brava!

Yay! I was aiming for silly revenge, I'm glad it worked for you.

Code mayhem -- what a great idea! It is sad, but I can see this happening. Never anger IT people. Great use of the topic at the end, with the double meaning of "comment."

Thanks for the kind words. Given how dependent so much of the world has become on computers if the IT folks ever rise up it could be bad.

Smile. Great ending. I shudder when our IT guy comes in because my computer will most definitely be screwed up after he leaves and I need to fix it!

Aw, thank you. Yes, frequently IT wants to make it work 'correctly' instead of 'the way I want it to work and am very used to and happy with'.

Very cute take on the prompt!

Thanks lady - I felt the pull to go lighter this week.

I was just singing Little Bunny Foo Foo with the kids at work yesterday. Good times.

This was great. Pissing off the IT people is always a bad idea.

Heh - I've had it in my head all week since writing this.

Thanks, yeah IT has a lot more power than people are willing to admit sometimes.

Haha..This was excellent! I really enjoyed the idea. Superb take! Good job. *Claps*

Wow, thank you, *curtseys".

That's hilarious. I kind of want to do that to some of my html pages...

Now that I know comments are there I really want to look at the background code of a few things and see what might be there.

Thanks!

That's a smart choice of topic. Guess we all can conclude that "No one messes with the IT people"

It is best to be friends with IT folks.

Thanks for the kind words.

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