This is the last cute learning about sex story from my childhood - I promise.
How the Green Bay Packers taught me about oral sex.
It was the fall of the year and I was 12 or 13. Green Bay Packer star wide-receiver James Lofton was arrested for allegedly forcing a woman to perform oral sex on him in the back stairway of a club. I grew up in a town 15 miles west of Green Bay so obviously this was huge news – it was in every paper and on every local news program.
I was confused.
I knew what oral was – having to do with the mouth. And I was very secure with my tab A / slot B catholic school sex-ed knowledge of the workings of sex. But I could not figure out how the two went together. I knew that kissing wasn’t sex, but what else would your mouth be doing?
Even worse, the woman ‘performed’ oral sex. What the hell did that mean? Performed? Were there costumes, and jazz hands, and makeup, and a little song? Did they have to rehearse? (Well, probably not since he allegedly forced her, and I understood that perfectly well.) I could not figure this out, and it bothered me.
So one night, after at least a week of this story being everywhere, Dad turned on the TV after dinner. My brother and I were helping Mom clear the table. Behold, the announcer began talking about the ‘Lofton case’ again. I was fed up with not getting it so the time had come. “Mom,” I asked, “what is oral sex?”
My dad ‘hrmphed’ and kept his eyes very carefully trained on the TV, glad I had identified a parent to query and that it wasn’t him. My brother looked interested, after all I had used the word sex, this could be good. Mom just sighed a little and told Brother that he was done helping and to go watch TV with Dad. She and I went into the kitchen to talk.
Mom explained to me the mechanics of oral sex. I had the natural tween reaction of “Eeeuuuuuuwww”. Then I asked Mom if she didn’t want to have his penis in her mouth, why didn’t the lady just bite him? Mom got an odd look on her face and said she wasn’t sure, but that I might understand that a little better when I was older. Then I helped Mom with the dishes and we talked about something else entirely. I had my answer; I didn’t need to worry about it any more.
And that is how the Green Bay Packers were responsible for my discovery of the workings of oral sex.
However, I continue to be confused by the use of the verb ‘perform’ in this context.
@@@This is my entry for week 12 of LJ Idol – the topic is ‘my favorite story’. This is certainly one of my favorites to tell. Per usual, I'll post a link to the poll on Friday once it is up. Thank you for reading.@@@