Rebecca (beeker121) wrote,

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The perfect time

I have a habit that I am trying to break, but I'm not quite sure how.  It's not as simple as flossing every night, or getting up 15 minutes earlier every day.  No, I tend to set goals with attached rewards (a good thing ordinarily) but then decide that the reward should wait for a furtherance of the goal.  You know, when (thing A) happens then (thing B).  When I lose ten pounds I'll buy new clothes.  When I'm buying new clothes I'll adopt the change in style I've been itching to make.  When I can run fast enough I'll try to go further.  When I get this show open I will read the book and do the exercises that will help me figure out what other career I might want to transition into.  When I own a house I'll have grown up furniture.  When, when, when...

How many of us fall into the same trap?

The one I have been struggling with most lately is about buying new clothes.  Last year at this time I weighed 148 and was easily in the best shape I had been in for at least five years.  Then came the surgeries, and RAI, and recovery and through it all I ended up at 160 by last November.  I've maintained at that weight since then, and slowly started losing again recently, but it's easy to not want to buy new clothes until I'm back where I was.  Then I remember that last year at this time, I was putting off buying new clothes until I lost five more pounds.

Sometimes the goal/reward system works if you stick with it and don't let either end slide.  I always said I'd get my tattoo when I paid off my credit card and it took six years, but I have a fabulous tattoo that I love.  It was a definite goal, and a definite reward, and I didn't add more to it  once I got close.

There isn't ever really a perfect time for anything.  Not to buy a house, not to quit your job, not to start a diet, not to do something as silly as go clothes shopping.  There comes a point when waiting for just the right time is an avoidance game and I have to start to wonder am I putting things off legitimately or am I simply scared of doing them at all?  Do I have any intention of changing careers or do I talk about it when work gets annoying and then let inertia keep me where I am?  Do I really want to revamp my whole wardrobe into a daily wear steampunk look, or am I afraid that people will laugh and use the next five pounds as an excuse to stay in jeans and t-shirts?  Do I really want to run a marathon or is it just cool to talk about?

There is a John Mellencamp song titled "Your Life is Now".  I'm going to start working on living that, every day.  My life isn't in ten fewer pounds, or after I get my dream job, or after I buy a house.  My life is right now.
Tags: goals, life

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