January 21st, 2011

calvin/hobbes yellow hug

thoughts on 38

Years ago at a friend's wedding we were hanging out after the rehearsal and one of the groomsmen was giving me a back rub.  He got to my shoulders and asked how long they had been that tight, I told him pretty much since college (around five years).  He responded something along the lines of 'that's what frustrates me as a massage therapist, people spend years tying themselves into knots and then expect me to magically make it go away in 90 minutes.  If it took years to knot up, it may take an equal number of years to unknot.'  What I took away from that at the time was that I'd always have tight shoulder muscles, and that not everything could change.

Now I think what he said just makes good sense, and change is always possible.  Time and effort (even unintentional ones) will work on you, and if you don't like where things are at it will take time and effort to reverse.  Maybe I've learned patience in the past decade, or it's just a part of getting older - the realization that things are worth working for even if the ultimate goal is nowhere in sight.

So I look at what I've become in 38 years and mostly I like me, a lot.  I see where time has paid off, and a few places where time has worn ruts that I would really rather get out of.  And that's okay.  I've got years left ahead of me to change direction, try new things, wear in new ruts I'm more comfortable with.  38 years down, who knows how many left to go.