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LJI:18 dis-information
beeker
beeker121
This is Kali Jones on ZHELL with all the news that’s hot.

Our top story is the ongoing overcrowding problem.  Souls are currently backed up beyond purgatory waiting to get in.  The Powers That Be have therefore started a new program they’re calling the Sartre Initiative.  While waiting for contractors to complete the extensions of the sandy plains or thorny trees, incoming souls are being gathered in small groups in benign waiting rooms.  This program is proving very successful thus far, and there has been agitation to make this the new standard.  The whip-bearing demons are particularly vocal in favor of this Initiative, as it allows them occasional coffee breaks.

In health news the actual spread of Ebola on earth is moving very slowly, but the uninformed panic about Ebola is swinging many souls’ balance to our favor.  Also the contest to name the next pandemic is still on; please submit your ideas to this station.

In business, the soul market is down, owing to the current commodity glut.  Belial Financiers was caught bundling souls that had become toxic in with their regular offerings in a move that was called despicable and shameful by The Powers That Be.  As a result Belial Financiers has been made the official soul bank of Dis, and several of their executives will be sacrificed next week in celebration.

The general weather continues to be hot.  Damn hot.  In the center of things, however, the weather is frigid.  There is no change in the forecast for the foreseeable future.

Traffic has improved considerably since the installation of Escher’s clover leafs, or at least traffic now moves forward at irregular intervals giving the impression of improvement.

This is Kali Jones with the news on ZHELL.  I now return you to the regularly scheduled program, “It’s a Small World” sung by adorable toddlers who almost know the words and are nearly in tune, forever.



*The City of Dis encompasses circles 7-9 of Dante’s Hell, and DIS is also the NYSE abbreviation for the Walt Disney Company.  Coincidence?  You decide. Go here to read other folks' take on disinformation for this week.*

That was very clever and fun. I'm not keeping up with Idol, but I really liked this story :)

Aw, thank you lady. I know that it's easy to tune Idol stuff out when you're not playing, thanks for taking a moment to spread some smiles.

I am thinking happy thoughts for your crazy week of everything.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! This is fantabulous!!! I'd have to copy/paste the entire thing to pull out favourite lines! :)

Thank you! I'm glad it clicked with you so well. I had a lot of fun figuring out what all of the news items would be.

Okay, okay, okay, this is amazing.

Eeeee, thank you! Once I verified that Dis could be an alternative name for hell I knew I had to do this. It was time for some silliness.

Traffic has improved considerably since the installation of Escher’s clover leafs, or at least traffic now moves forward at irregular intervals giving the impression of improvement.

Love. :)

Can you tell I sit in Bay Area traffic every day? I listen to a lot of news radio, in part for the regular traffic reports, and figuring out what the traffic in hell would be was fun.

Thank you.

Loved it! The Small World song! Haha! AW

I had to google Dis to make sure I was remembering correctly that it was another name for Hell, and all of the first results were for Disney. At that point the song that loops on Hell's radio station was a given.

Thanks.

Or you could have played the old "Welcome To Our World of Toys" Clocktower theme from FAO Schwarz, but I guess that one isn't nearly as universal.

This was a fun one!

Ooh the FAO Schwartz song would have been another good earworm song. I had also thought about theme from Barney (I love you, you love me), I'm not sure what it is about songs intended for children that can be so grating.

Thanks!

LMAO..Now this is what I call a brilliant take..:D..Great job! Kudos..enjoyed it very much.thank you..:)

Thank you so much! Once my brain had the idea that dis could be hell I knew this could be a lot of fun.

Thanks for the ear-worm! LOL. It's a small world, indeed. :)

Ew, sorry, didn't mean to stick the song in your head. Hopefully it'll pop out quickly.

Thanks for the comment.

Fabulous! Escher's clover leafs, indeed!

I also like the "name the next Pandemic" contest. =D

Hey, I used to own that t-shirt (see your icon).

I had a lot of fun coming up with details for this, which meant spending a lot of time toggling between Dante's Wikipedia page and CNN, and listing to news radio in my car. There's always a contest for something.

This cracked me up. I didn't catch the ZHELL reference until it came around again at the end (by which time I knew exactly where this was).

The waiting-room limbo (not quite a limbo, since waiting rooms are their own hell already), the soul-market being down, and the regularly-scheduled program (who almost know the words and are nearly in tune, forever.) was all pure genius. \o/

Thank so much! I listen to news radio almost exclusively in my car so I had apparently been researching this one for a while.

I had a lot of fun making up hellish news items, I'm glad you enjoyed.

*gigglefit*

This is AMAZING. Very reminiscent of the Screwtape Letters, and I mean that as a great compliment!

I take that as a great compliment, thank you.

Heh, thanks. Once I remember that the City of Dis could be hell, I had to go here.

Ha! Great entry.

Traffic has improved considerably since the installation of Escher’s clover leafs, or at least traffic now moves forward at irregular intervals giving the impression of improvement. Favourite bit!!

Thank you!

I knew there had to be a traffic report but couldn't quite figure out what that would be in hell, then hit on Escher. It also sounds like a regular day on the Bay Bridge, sadly.

Absolutely love the concept of this, all the details of this business-esque afterlife are brilliant and funny, an awesome piece.

Thank you so much, I'm grateful no one else dismantled the prompt in quite this way.

I listen to local news radio a lot when I commute so it was fun to imagine what they'd be reporting in hell.

"ZHELL! You abandon hope, we bring the hits! To your face! With a hot poker! With no commercial interruptions!"

Also the contest to name the next pandemic is still on; please submit your ideas to this station.

Has "Disco Fever" already been done?

The general weather continues to be hot. Damn hot. In the center of things, however, the weather is frigid.

Nice detail...

You can tell I listen to news radio in my car, I tried writing an intro like that and could not make it work, everything came out so calm.

Heh - Disco Fever is an epic pandemic name, if it ever gets used I'll back up your claim to having named it.